J.C. Reviews: The Fall Guy Falls Flat
by James Coulter
I’m going to be perfectly honest here: this is the first movie I ever walked out on. I’ve had the urge to walk out on films before, but I usually chose to stick it out until the end, either because of my professional obligation as a critic or because, well, I paid to watch the movie, so I might as well get my money’s worth.
However, this movie left such a bad taste in my mouth—no, scratch that! It left no taste in my mouth because at least a bad taste would be worth talking about. But, anyway, right from the very start, this movie felt like such a nothing burger that I was tempted to leave.
In fact, halfway through the movie, I stepped out, took a brief walk through the mall, went to the bathroom, and then deliberated whether or not I was going to watch the rest of it. Part of me felt like shrugging my shoulders and simply walking out. However, I decided to watch a few more minutes. By then, I had caught the climax of the movie and decided that was enough. So I left.
I admit, this is a first for me. I’ve watched movies so bad that, even though I hated it, I could still manage to talk endlessly about it, explaining in excruciating detail why that movie didn’t work.
Then some movies were so bad that I felt nothing watching them. The movie was so bland, so tasteless, so unmemorable that it served as dietary fiber, silently passing through your system without leaving a real impact.
And then there are movies like this, a movie where, in the very first few minutes, I could tell that I was not going to have a good time so I should quit while I’m ahead. Again, under normal circumstances, I usually don’t walk out of movies. But this was the movie that convinced me that I had nothing to lose since I already spent my money upfront. So, might as well walk out and save myself the trouble.
Oh, you want me to talk about the film? I’m sorry. I wanted to watch a film worth talking about. But I guess I need to write something about it so this can count as a review and so I can get paid. So, here it is:
The Fall Guy is about a professional stunt double who’s forced to quit his job after breaking his back from a botched stunt. More than a year later, he’s called back to resume his career in the next biggest action blockbuster. However, it turns out that he was called in to track down the movie’s star who had gone missing. Why? Because being a stunt double qualifies him to take on such a task. So, will he succeed?
Better question, do I care?
This movie is an action romance comedy mystery thriller. No, you did not read that wrong. This movie attempts to be multiple genres at once and fails in succeeding being any of them. The comedy falls flat. The romance has no chemistry. And the only interesting aspect is the action scenes and mystery, but the actual action is so few and far between that you don’t care about the mystery.
The movie wasn’t good. That’s why I walked out on it. Say what you want about Madame Webb. That film was at least so bad it’s good.
